Lottie / Silly things we do in life and how we think about them / The Mammogram / Very short stories

Lottie and the mammogram age

0a6a42e249d21dca59b550574c52f322Apparently, after you have had your 50th birthday woman’s medical status is changed to a different group. The group in which there is a chance of having higher risks of more bodily difficulties and illnesses.
Since not so long Lottie has entered this age group and, thankfully, had not noticed any changes so far. Life just continues as normal on a daily basis with the usual setbacks that happen in normal life.
One day she received a letter from her social healthcare that, now she had entered the age of this group, she needed to go for a mammography. She did have had one before, about 10 years ago, after she had found a lump in one of her body parts. But what she didn’t seem to remember was it being a painful experience.

The day for her appointment came and off she went. She made sure all was nice and clean for whom ever had to touch her body parts, just in case. Much to her relieve this touching your body parts person was a woman! She just felt a little safer the body part handler to be a woman, she knew it was silly, but that is how she felt.
Lottie thought with what she was about to experience, and the touching your body parts person being a woman (the nurse) this woman would have a little compassion for what was about to happen, clearly she was a little wrong in this.
She went into the nurses practice room and was asked a couple of questions like was there any history of cancer in her life, or in her family life and more of these very important questions. She answered them all truthfully with some added information here and there. After this she had to get ready for the mammography. Stripped down to the waist she entered back in to the practice room and full of confidence that everything was fine, she let the nurse touch what she needed to touch and they were getting ready for the first photo. Arm like this, body part like that, don’t move and there it came… with a HUGE BANG…two plates in high speed pressed to each other with one of her body parts squeezed between them. Lottie thought they were trying to press all the life and blood out of it. She voiced her not so comfortable feeling with a loud groan. Lottie honestly thought the nurse was trying to rip it off. Worst part: the nurse left her standing like this and went to her machine to press some buttons. MY WORD, did this woman know how unpleasant this felt! She wished she could pull her body part out of the machine, she couldn’t because the plates had a tight grip on it!! When the plates came away from her body part it still felt like it was still clamped between them! Lottie thought she was gonna have a body part that would never get back into shape and she would have to go through life with square body parts. She knew it was for a good course, but wasn’t planning on to leaving them behind or donating them to a 3rd party!

Now you need to know Lottie’s body parts are not the biggest ones in the world. Her standard answer to this, if anyone had a comment about them, was “When I was conceived by my parents, I was the last one standing in line in front of the boobs department. They had only left really big ones or really small ones. I went for the small ones as they are more practical”.

So, you can understand, this nurse being able to squeeze her body part between those plates is a miracle on its own, let alone her having the feeling one being left behind.
Due to the loud groan Lottie had made earlier the nurse was a little gentler for the rest of the session and she was able to breathe while the nurse did her thing getting it all photographed.
Lottie was very happy  (read jumping for joy) when the nurse said it was all done and she could go home.
After being home for a while Lottie still had the feeling that one of her body parts was left at the hospital. She checked a view times, but thankfully it was still there. Bruised but still there…pfeew…

Providing she does not hear anything about the result of the mammogram, in two years’ time she has to go back for the next check-up. It is gonna be another exiting experience. This time she will be very well prepared of what is to be expected.

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One of my friends wrote a little preparation program for those who have to go for a mammogram session:

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM:

EXERCISE 1:
Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat in case the first time wasn’t effective.

EXERCISE 2:
Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast.

EXERCISE 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again.

You are now properly prepared!

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